Philadelphia Visions: 2

In Philadelphia on October 2, 2009 at 7:38 pm

Philadelphia 019

Philadelphians are tough to please. They hate “stupid people.” They hate bad hair-cuts. Other cities can suck it. Fake cheese steaks? Forget about it. They don’t want compliments or kind words. They’d rather pass around a joint or buy a round of shots than say congratulations for a job well done. Nobody understands them, so fuck you for trying. Oh, and Rocky is the best movie ever made. Seriously, the best movie ever made. That’s where there’s a friggin’ statue by the Art Museum, ’cause it’s that good.

The general rule is this: Nobody is actually from Philadelphia, but everyone lives just outside of Philadelphia. The closer you live to Center City, the cooler you are. But if you live close to Center City but in the wrong part, you’re probably some gangstah, or drug-dealer, coke-head, gang-banger, welfare queen, yuppie asshole, homeless prick… Philadelphians never run out of words for people they hate, which seems to be pretty much everybody.

Easygoing and optimistic, I stay quiet around Philadelphians. Talking a lot risks the Philadelphian’s bitter rage. It’s like staring in the eyes of an angry gorilla. Just stare off and pretend you’re somewhere else.


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